Drake Under Fire Again…This Time It’s Worse
Okay, wow. This is interesting. Serena Williams is unretiring, and it may be because of a curious performance-enhancing drug. “I’m on a GLP-1.” All it does is help you lose weight. That enhances your performance. If you lose twenty pounds, it is going to help your performance. So what does it matter which way you do it? What does it matter which way you add muscle? Through steroids or through lifting? Because steroids have this anabolic quality to it. Don’t use big words and think you are getting around it. That is right.
Morgan Wallen had a major hissy fit on stage because he could not hear his piano. So he gets up, he runs over and shoves the piano and knocks it over and breaks it. A piano? Is he that strong? It is pretty reckless. This is Elton John. Elton John used to do this stuff. Elton John never—well, he couldn’t. He never did.
President Trump is just pissed off at these performers who are dropping out of Freedom 250. He goes, “They are overpriced singers who nobody wants to hear, whose music is boring.” Who are you going to go to who is just going to do it? He might release R. Kelly for a day. Do you think Diddy would do it? Oh, so what he is going to do is pardon the acts that are going to play. That is a whole different Freedom 250.
Love Island is starting tomorrow, but there is a mayor who is not excited about one of the contestants that is going to be on. “I am a police officer, actually.” And he quit his job. And the mayor is like, “Now you have left us high and dry.” I understand both sides of this. Why do you understand his side? It is either pull over junkies or hang out with hot women. What are you going to choose? Give me option three.
Our pop quiz: What does Serena Williams have in common with records, film photography, and the no-longer-endangered Arabian oryx? Answer: They have all made comebacks, baby. So Serena Williams, forty-four years old, has announced that she is back. She did it in a new Nike ad. Serena Williams last played professional tennis in 2022. So some time has passed here. But what caused Serena to unretire? I got to say that the most interesting thing I have heard in the last two months is what Siobhan told me right before we started.
“My full theory is just she lost like a lot of weight. I have been listening to podcasts about her, and she said it reduced inflammation and it helps her joints, and she can move her body better. In tennis, you are moving a lot. You are jumping. You are lunging. And if you are able to be less—if you have less mass, you are going to be able to move quicker.”
Makes sense. But then would the GLP-1 that Serena used to lose weight be considered a performance-enhancing drug? It is on a list of watched drugs because they believe that it could help. Yeah, it helps. Guess what else helps? Just do not eat as much.
Well, wait a minute. That is like saying steroids help, but you can also just lift weights. Steroids have this anabolic quality to it. Don’t use big words and think you are getting around it. Do not try that with me, dude.
So, congrats on the comeback, Serena Williams. What is next? Pet rocks, fax machines, civil political discourse? Yeah, probably not that last one, but pet rocks will be fun. Let us go, baby.
Chris Pratt celebrating because he got a hole in one. Yeah. He never hit record on his Meta glasses, so you do not see him swing. “Let us go. Ace, baby.” But the Olde Homestead Golf Club gave him the flag, and they gave him a certificate, and it was signed. You know, if you hit a hole in one, you have to buy everyone else drinks. You have to buy everyone else. If you do something like that, they should buy you something. It is one of these odd traditions that comes up in Scotland.
Wait, no one buys you a drink. You buy it for everyone. Correct. It is like having a baby. You buy everybody else a cigar. That is the tradition, right? You buy everybody a cigar when you have a baby. God, do they still do that? No, I did. I never saw anyone. I did not know that was a thing. I have never seen a woman smoke a cigar. And I am not being sexist. No, no, no, I have. There is this bar called—is Peanuts still there? Wait, why are you asking me? It was a lesbian bar. Oh, no. It was called Peanuts. It was a lesbian bar. They smoked cigars in there.
Dude, there is something called Queermaps that you can just go and it tells you all the gay bars.
Harvey is like, “Oh, I have never heard of this word.” It says founder Harvey at the bottom. Let us go. Stop. Stop the music. Stop.
Looks like they are canceling the big Freedom 250 concert, but that is okay because it turns out that is what the president wanted anyway. President Trump is just pissed off at these performers who are dropping out of his Freedom 250 Great American—he just rage-tweeted. So they all bailed. Bret Michaels, Young MC, Martina McBride, Morris Day and the Time, Macy Gray—all out, saying they only agreed in the first place because they thought it was a nonpartisan celebration.
These artists are saying we were misled. We did not want to take sides, or they did not want to take that side. So Trump posts, “We should have a giant Make America Great Again rally for 250 instead of having overpriced singers who nobody wants to hear, whose music is boring and yet who do nothing but complain.”
When he started this, he was all in with them, right? Yeah. Oh, he was all in with them. If they were so boring and horrible and no one wants to hear them, why were they booked in the first place? Right. Hey, it is his party. He can cry if he wants to. But all is not lost. Vanilla Ice told you on Friday that he would be happy to play it. “Their music is not political, man. It is universal. Just brings people together.” I really like him, and I could listen to “Ice Ice Baby” maybe three or four times.
Well, it is a sixteen-day event, so we would have to sing it roughly five thousand times. Who are you going to go to who is just going to do it? Nicki Minaj and Karol G. No, no, those are the obvious ones. He might release R. Kelly for a day. But do you think Diddy would do it if he pardons him? Yes. Oh, so what he is going to do is pardon the acts that are going to play. That is a whole different Freedom 250. Joe Exotic is there. Happy birthday, America. You are welcome.
Congratulations are in order for Dua Lipa and Callum Turner. They got married after a little over two years together in London. She is wearing this gorgeous Schiaparelli skirt suit. Stunning Bulgari diamond. He looks great, too. The blue suit. Guys, it is such a thing about guys. It is like, “He looks great, too.” Well, he is there. Like, guys are such an afterthought in a wedding. I mean, this guy is a dud. He is really good looking. It is the most boring relationship we cover.
You sound like a hater. For the first time, I agree with you. He is like so boring. It seems—yeah. They—he just seems boring. I do not know. Are you not boring? Oh, I am boring as hell. I am just saying I call it like I see it. Can I tell you, I called him over the weekend, and all I hear is—yes, he has a child. Well, he had to move. I know. And he was like, “Oh, I am in hell right now.”
I was literally in hell when you called me. Why are you calling people over the weekend? I was checking in on him. Sorry to bother you at 3:00 a.m. Oh, I am sorry. Were you sleepy? Yeah.
And now it is Morgan Wallen tackling the ivories. Damn, look who is out of tune now, tough guy. Wait, why is Morgan kicking his piano’s ass? He was performing in Denver on his “Still the Problem” tour, and he was singing “Sand in My Boots,” just him and the piano.
And I guess he could not hear the piano at all. So he gets up and he is like, “I am just going to do an acapella.” And the crowd loved that. And as he finishes the song, he runs over and shoves the piano and knocks it over and breaks it. Piano smash. No, yeah. A piano. That is petulant and gross, dude. It is a nice instrument. Yeah, this upright piano is lovely and comes from a good family. The nerve of Morgan. He did not throw it off a rooftop. It is fine.
Fair point. Chairs definitely get it worse than pianos. But still, this is crazy. But people did not have a problem with rock stars smashing their guitars. Did you? The Who was famous for that. Smashing the guitar was part of the performance. It is like, “Oh, we are going crazy.”
This is him having a fit. This is Elton John. Elton John used to do this. Elton John never—well, he could not. Probably not. But Elton would never fight a piano. People on the other hand—he eviscerates all the time. So RIP Morgan’s piano. God is working your keys now.
A fresh wave of Islanders is moving into the villa. Love Island is starting tomorrow. But there is a town and a mayor in the town who is very much so not excited about one of the contestants that is going to be on because he was a police officer and he decided to quit his job to go on the show.
“I am not a model, not an actor. I am a police officer, actually.”
And the mayor is like, “We spent so much money getting you trained and getting prepared to be on the force, and now you have left us high and dry.”
I understand both sides of this. How long has he been a cop for? He has been a cop for a year. So he just finished the training. So he is saying, “Not for me.” You have to quit your job. Usually when you go on those shows, they are filming for a while. He has a kid, and he needs to have a net. Like, you need to be able to take care of your kid. Yeah. He could possibly win one hundred thousand dollars and then endorsements. So you pull over junkies, or you pick up hot women on a beach. What do you pick? Give me option three.
Coming up, Jay-Z did about a three-minute freestyle where he dissed Nicki Minaj and Drake. How do you do that? What do you do there? What did he say? I mean, there are a lot of N-words, man. I mean, I have to play it.
Charlie Davis, he was one of the contestants on Survivor who became friends with Mike White. He is doing a cameo in White Lotus. Listen, he is this nerdy lawyer, and he is living this life right now. That is fascinating. Why are you so into attorneys that do anything outside of being a lawyer? Because I think it is brave. Oh, you think we are brave? Not you.
We got Kristen Schaal at LAX being fake our. “I wanted to pretend that ourwas following me.” Oh, I love that. Now she got real our. Be right back.
“And now I got ninety-nine problems but a diss ain’t one.” Starring Jay-Z. “Wrong chart, champ. You got to look up again. Look up the hoes. I never looked up to them.”
So Jay-Z dissed everybody. He was at the Roots Picnic in Philadelphia over the weekend, and he did about a three-minute freestyle where he dissed Nicki Minaj. How do you do that? What did he do there, dude? I cannot—I mean, there are a lot of N-words, man. I mean, I can play it. Fine, we will let Jay-Z do it.
“That lady back on the stuff, she sound like she in love with him. A kid can’t even take they piss. Enough of them.”
Basically saying that Nicki’s registered sex offender husband cannot even drop off or pick up their son at school. Dissed. Next. He is responding to Drake because Drake dissed him on his most recent album. “Got your publishing, gangster? Go talk to them.” Basically saying he does not have a publishing deal. He has all his own stuff. Yeah, owning your publishing is a big flex. Dissed. And Jay also went after Kanye for saying stuff about his kids.
“Heard of a wonder, and some of them have no shame. Everybody think they’re the ones insane, you know, maniac. Watch out in my presence.”
Basically saying that Kanye talks a lot of smack about me when he is out in public, but when we are in the same room, it is a different energy. Diss. My biggest takeaway though: Jay-Z—I have never seen him really look like that. You do not understand takeaways. Diss. Great to see a rapping Jay.
Somehow I am the one who done it. It is a murder mystery gang. We went from idea to reality.
We got Kristen Schaal at LAX. She is a voice on Bob’s Burgers. She was in What We Do in the Shadows, Flight of the Conchords. She is so funny. I love her. So we get her at LAX being fake our-ed. Our camera guy, Jake, is inside the terminal at the airport by baggage claim, and he is shooting through the window where he sees Kristen Schaal and somebody has got a phone asking her questions, and she like does not want to answer them. So Jake comes out and goes, “Were you doing a fake our?”
“Yes. I wanted to pretend that our was following me because they wanted to hear about my ‘Legend of Crystal Shallow’ show that is going up at the Roundhouse Theater in London on August 17th.”
Oh, I love that. But she did not know Jake was there. She was fake our, and now she got real our. So then she tells us about her show. And this is why I love Kristen Schaal.
“It is called ‘The Legend of Crystal Shallow.’ And it is a stage play that I wrote with my friend John Roberts about a centaur who confronts her horse dad.”
It is so good. She is such a weirdo in the best way. That is why I love her.
“Thank you, our.”
Wow, that is big.
And now our presents: So you did not win Survivor. How is this for a consolation prize? Charlie Davis. He was one of the contestants on Survivor 50, and one of the ones who is doing a cameo in White Lotus, and the pictures were revealed of his cameo, and boy did he luck out.
What? He is filming a scene in Cannes on the red carpet. There is Laura Dern right there. He is getting the full treatment. That is awesome. Yes. Charlie went from the dorky young lawyer with the Taylor Swift obsession who lost Survivor twice to a guy who has an umbrella holder. Now that is how you know you made it.
He is living this life right now. He is sipping wine on the beach. He is doing all these beauty glam facial things. That is fascinating. So does he practice in a firm? Yeah.
Why are you so into attorneys that like do anything outside of being a lawyer? Because you know why? Because I think it is brave. Oh, you think we are brave? Not you. No real lawyers we can respect, like Kim Kardashian. As for Charlie, he went to Boston College Law School. A lot of hot guys there at the law school. I do not know about the law school. Just in Boston College. Were you one of the chicks that hung out at the library? No, not the library.
That is where nerds go. I am telling you, it is where women go to pick up guys who are going to become lawyers. Yeah. At Harvard. But then there is like a—you have got to deal with the uglies. The uglies? Did you just point to me and call me the uglies? Not you, but—I do not know who you were pointing to.
So congrats on the cameo, Charlie. You may not have won Survivor, but hey, you got to chill with the lady from Jurassic Park.
“Unique locations is always fun because then you can play him in the game, you know.”
With UFC set to make history with combat sports at the White House this month, other people are looking to top this, including WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. We spoke with him in New York City, and he said that he has an idea on how we could top that—potentially having a wrestling match.
“I would like to do a decommissioned—what do they call them where they put the planes on it? But it is eluding me—match on a U.S. aircraft carrier.”
So this did happen back in 1993 with Yokozuna versus Lex Luger. There was a wrestling match on an aircraft carrier. Yeah. On the USS Intrepid. It was Intrepid. Intrepid. Sorry. I am not from that time. Okay. But it is a word. I went to ASU. Okay. So can you please stop dragging ASU into this? I am not. It is my school. I can say it is ASU. It is my school. Luger did the slam on Yokozuna on the Intrepid.
Coming up, Brandi Glanville is very open now about talking Real Housewives. So we asked her, “Would you ever go back?” “I would not go back. I feel like there are so many other shows to do. I love game shows.” What game show does she want to be on?
We love the our bus so bad. We do. Brandi Glanville took over the our Hollywood Brunch Bus. She also brought her co-host from her podcast, James Moros. She is very open now about talking Real Housewives. So we asked her, “Would you ever go back?”
“I would not go back. I feel like there are so many other shows to do. I love game shows. I love doing things that won’t hurt people’s lives.”
What game show does she want to be on? I do not know which one she wants to go on. She has been on Big Brother. She has been on The Traitors. I think she wants to be on reality competition shows, not game shows. Like not trivia. My favorite thing ever was Feud. What did you end up winning on High Rollers? Nothing. You lost. You lost it all. So you have got a lot of nerve coming at me for losing on a game show. You are a game—you know, people actually know you. Like random people on the bus were like, “How is that guy that lost Jeopardy?” It was an honor to have you guys. You guys are both beautiful humans.
Coming up, we got Ciara from In the City. It is a spin-off of Summer House. So we asked, “What do you think about the West and Amanda timeline?” And he goes, “I have never been over something as much as this.” Well, you are on the wrong side of history. I thought you could say the wrong side of seventy.
So what are your thoughts on the West and Amanda timeline? Oh god. We got Ciara from In the City. It is a spin-off of Summer House. Really good. So we asked, “What do you think about the West and Amanda timeline?” And he goes, “Listen, I think they were getting into it a little bit. There seems to be some holes. You know, before they made their statement, there was a good amount of chatter about something going on. You say ooh, but it is very important because she was still married.”
“I have never been over something as much as this.”
“Well, you are on the wrong side of history.”
“I thought you could say the wrong side of seventy.”
But here is the thing. You were never in it. No, what I am in is the stupidity of all the people watching it who are so invested in a dumb relationship. When you say the stupidity of people watching it, it is half our staff, dude. Not only is it half our staff, it is the reason we are here—the stupidity of other people’s relationships. It is like what we do. You built this entire thing. The stupidity of other people’s relationships. Okay, I apologize. I am excited to see how it plays out.
