She sat in the dark, the glow of her monitor casting long shadows across the studio. A stack of printed conspiracy theories sat next to her keyboard—each one wilder than the last.

“Some of the craziest Kardashian conspiracy theories include Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner working together to produce Kim’s fake wedding for a marriage that lasted only seventy-two days,” she said, voice low. “Or the theory that the family likes to keep Rob Kardashian fat so that they could harvest his fat for plastic surgery.”

She pulled up another headline.

“Another rumor states that Justin Bieber is really Kourtney Kardashian’s baby daddy. And that Kourtney’s own fifteen-year-old son, Mason, had a child of his own.”

She leaned forward.

“These are the most wild Kardashian and Jenner related conspiracy theories. So let’s get into it.”

She started with Rob. The fat harvesting theory. The one that made her shudder.

“You guys know Rob Kardashian has struggled with fame, the loss of his father, and of course his appearance. A lot of people trolled him on the internet. Nowadays, it seems like we’re being kinder to Rob, but the damage is still there.”

She pulled up the theory.

“This theory suggests that Rob, who has struggled with his weight gain and depression over the years, is somehow kept around as a fat donor for his sisters’ alleged Brazilian butt lift procedures.”

She read the X post.

“I have a theory that the Kardashians keep Rob Kardashian chubby so they can harvest his fat for BBLs.”

She laughed.

“Not somebody writing ‘Kabob Kardashian.’ You guys are shady. But there’s a lot of people convinced that this is a true theory.”

She pulled up a comment.

“Help, why is this completely realistic to me? OMG.”

Another: “As someone who rewatched the Kardashians, I feel like they weren’t really concerned about Rob’s mental health during the weight gain and just threw fat-phobic rhetoric his way, calling him lazy, etc. So the concern for him was only different than the concern for Khloe because he was no longer the ideal body that they like to portray. It all worked out in the end though because now they have someone to farm fat for their BBLs.”

She paused.

“Wait, farm fat? That is insane.”

She pulled up the overdose report.

“December 27th, 3:17 a.m. Rob arrived unconscious to the hospital with a pale face and blue lips. He overdosed with alcohol and oxycodone. Fentanyl was also found in his blood.”

She pulled up his words from that night.

“Black Chyna ruined my life. I can’t enjoy time with my kid without snakes and crows monitoring my attitude and behavior. I want to die. The fame is not for me.”

She let that sit.

“Kris Jenner allegedly called the hospital and directed them that no information be leaked to the press. Rob asked for three security agents to call Kris. He wanted to talk to her directly, not through the phone. Forty-seven minutes later, Kris and Khloe arrived.”

She paused.

“He told them he did not want to go to rehab. Khloe agreed. Kris wasn’t so sure.”

She pulled up the first hinge.

“If the fat-harvesting theory isn’t true, it’s only because the truth is somehow sadder: a brother locked away, not for his fat, but for his shame.”

She pulled up the Kardashian curse. The four witches. The deal with the devil.

“The idea of the Kardashian curse is an internet theory that suggests that people who become closely involved with the family often experience public scandals, personal struggles, or a sudden career downturn.”

She pulled up the TikTok.

“Conspiracy claims that in the 1800s, an ancestor of the Kardashians sold her soul to four witches. What she would get for this was that every woman in the bloodline would have a successful career with money, fame, and beauty. But in return, there’s a catch. The catch is that any man involved in their life would be cursed.”

She pulled up Scott Disick’s quote.

“The Kardashians are actually witches. Every man that comes into contact with them is cursed.”

She pulled up Kim’s response. “Oh, guys, should I never date?”

She pulled up Khloe’s response. “Super sexist. The blame is on us.”

She ran through the cursed men.

“Kanye West. Married from 2014 to 2022. After their divorce, Kanye went through public controversies, remarried to Bianca Censori, and never really had a moment where he was single.”

“Ryan Garcia. This year. I’m on the nitrous.”

“Scott Disick. Together with Kourtney from 2006. Cheating rumors, partying, substance abuse, the death of both of his parents within months of each other. When’s the last time we’ve actually seen Scott happy?”

“Travis Scott. Astroworld. Ten people lost their lives. Kids the same age as Stormi were killed at that concert. The Kardashians were by Travis’s side, defending him, protecting him, taking his phone out to the middle of the Gulf of Mexico and dropping it in so nobody could ever find what he said after the concert.”

She pulled up the Astroworld detail.

“Fifty thousand people packed in to see Travis Scott. The venue was meant to hold thirty-five thousand. Fans were screaming, ‘Stop the show.’ But it did not stop. Ten people lost their lives that night.”

She paused.

“The Kardashians are still throwing Astroworld birthday parties for their children. Acting like a nine-year-old did not lose their life in that incident.”

She pulled up Lamar Odom.

“Married Khloe in 2009. Nearly died after being found unconscious at a brothel in Nevada. Overdose. Coma. Serious health complications. Khloe was being cheated on the entire time, and she still went to his side.”

She pulled up Tristan Thompson.

“Started dating Khloe in 2017. The same year the Cavaliers with LeBron started losing finals. Getting a bunch of people pregnant at the same time he was supposed to be faithful. Buying a blow-up doll last year and making a mockery of Khloe. Nothing’s changed.”

She pulled up Pete Davidson.

“Briefly dated Kim in 2021. Kanye created a music video showing Pete being beheaded. Pete has reportedly been in trauma therapy due to Kanye’s online harassment. The last time I heard about Pete Davidson was his relationship with Kim. He’s never really peaked like he was when he was with her.”

She pulled up Ray J.

“Briefly involved with Kim in the early 2000s. Their private tape was leaked in 2007, which launched the family into reality TV. Ray J has been dealing with a heart condition, multiple health scares, custody issues, and legal drama involving the Kardashians.”

She pulled up the court update.

“Kim and Kris lost their legal bid to keep portions of the 2023 sex tape settlement private. Judge Ellis ruled that it’s got to come out. The judge added that the duo’s argument was too vague, too speculative. Shout out to you, Steven Ellis, my new favorite judge.”

She pulled up the second hinge.

“The Kardashian curse isn’t a curse. It’s a pattern. And patterns don’t require witches—just a family that knows exactly what sells.”

She pulled up the baby daddy rumors. Stormi first.

“The world was convinced that Kylie Jenner did not get pregnant by Travis Scott but rather by her hot bodyguard. Looking at some of these photographs, it does seem like Stormi kind of looks like the bodyguard.”

She pulled up the Tyga theory.

“Tyga shared on his Snapchat, ‘Hell no, that’s my kid.’ He also posted himself as a baby trying to prove that he looks a lot like Stormi. Keep in mind that Tyga was way too old to be dating Kylie Jenner at the time. In my opinion, he is a groomer, he is a creeper, he did things that are illegal, and Kris Jenner just allowed it to happen. Kylie Jenner grew up way too fast because of her relationship with Tyga.”

She pulled up the Kourtney and Justin Bieber theory.

“This is a conspiracy that I believe could be true. Reign Disick looks so much like Justin and even acts like Justin.”

She pulled up the 2016 People insider.

“Justin and Kourtney had been hooking up on and off for months. He had met her kids. They don’t hook up around the kids. Kourtney is great. Justin thinks it’s cool that she’s older and hot. She isn’t clingy. She has her own life.”

She pulled up the Bert Show clip. Justin Bieber, laughing.

“I’m being used, man. What can I say? No, but for real, she’s great. I’ve known the family for years. We’ll leave it at that.”

She pulled up Ellen’s question. “Does Justin Bieber help with the kids at all?”

She paused.

“Why would Ellen ask that question unless she knows something? It’s weird. It’s uncomfortable. She’s like double his age. It’s kind of weird that she’s sitting here on daytime TV confirming that she’s got her young kids hanging out with Justin, who’s only about double their age.”

She pulled up the photos. Reign. Young Justin. Side by side.

“Don’t even try and tell me this ain’t a Bieber baby.”

She pulled up Reign’s response. The poor kid defending his mom online.

“Justin Bieber is not my dad. Scotty is my dad. I think Justin Bieber was sixteen when I was born. I don’t think my mom would do that.”

She softened.

“He’s so innocent. ‘I don’t think my mom would do that.’ Hmm. Okay, buddy.”

She pulled up the third hinge.

“The craziest conspiracies are the ones that might actually be true. And the saddest conspiracies are the ones where a kid has to defend his mom’s honor on the internet.”

She pulled up Mason. The fifteen-year-old father.

“Mason Disick, the eldest son of Kourtney and Scott, is at the center of rumors after being exposed for supposedly fathering a child. Screenshots from a private Instagram account belonging to Mason suggest that the fifteen-year-old has a one-year-old daughter named Piper.”

She pulled up the alleged Q&A.

“Did you have a baby? Yeah, I did. Are you involved in Piper’s life? Yeah, I see her sometimes. Piper doesn’t count. I was forced to do that, so it’s not my fault she was created.”

She shook her head.

“That’s just bad.”

She pulled up Kourtney’s response.

“I rarely address rumors or conspiracies regarding myself or my family, but this is about my child, and it feels wrong to let anyone think for a second that these lies are true. Mason does not have a child. These accounts that pretend to be him are definitely not him. They are fake. My son values his privacy, and I’m asking all the media to please be respectful.”

She paused.

“If I was Kourtney and people were saying that my child had a child, I would probably do the same thing. So good for you, Kourtney.”

She pulled up Kris. The mastermind. The pimp. The witch.

“One of the most persistent conspiracy theories surrounding the Kardashians centers on Kris Jenner and the belief that she operates as the family’s ultimate strategist behind the scenes. In this theory, Kris isn’t just a momager, but more like a long-game producer who carefully shapes headlines, scandals, and major life events to keep the family constantly trending.”

She pulled up Ray J’s rant.

“I can show you all the dirty s— they telling me. Y’all think that I’m on here acting like a ass. Y’all trying to play with me. I got all the proof. This is you telling me, ‘Please don’t tell nobody.’ This is bribery. Money is not everything. Money doesn’t make you happy if you’re telling a lie every day about your life.”

She paused.

“Ray J has alleged that there were contracts involved and suggested that Kim and Kris were aware of the release plan. Kris has strongly denied the claim. But I’ve actually seen Ray J show the contracts and show the paperwork and post them. We’ve seen Kris’s signature on this deal to go and sell that tape and have it released at a really convenient time when they were filming.”

She pulled up the timing conspiracy.

“In 2018, three Kardashian-Jenner babies were born within a short window. Khloe welcomed True. Kylie had Stormi. Kim welcomed Chicago. They didn’t let the world know that Kylie was pregnant until she had already given birth. That was perfectly timed so that everyone got their baby news cycle.”

She pulled up the meme.

“The devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works harder.”

She pulled up the fourth hinge.

“Kris Jenner isn’t a witch. She’s a CEO. The difference is mostly branding—and the fact that CEOs don’t usually get accused of burning people at the stake.”

She pulled up the Neuralink theory. Kim. Holes in her brain. Elon Musk.

“Kim undergoes a brain scan on the show and is told by Dr. Daniel that she suffers from low activity in one region of her brain. He says, ‘With your frontal lobes as they work now, it would be harder to manage stress.’ Kim says, ‘That just can’t be. I’m not accepting it.’”

She pulled up the theory.

“Some people are convinced that this is not part of a storyline. It’s actually linked to a bigger business endeavor. One person suggests that she would be failing the bar and then getting the Neuralink, and then the Neuralink will help her pass the bar, and it’ll be like an advertisement for everyone to get this device implanted in their brains.”

She paused.

“The theory is: failed bar exam leads to low brain activity reveal, leads to Neuralink implant, leads to suddenly passes bar, leads to massive Neuralink promo arc. People are posting timelines, charts, even marketing rollouts like they’ve uncovered the Da Vinci code.”

She pulled up the fifth hinge.

“The most believable conspiracy about the Kardashians is that nothing is accidental. And the most frightening conspiracy is that they might actually be telling the truth about one thing—and we’re too cynical to see it.”

She pulled up the fake wedding. Kim and Kris Humphries. Seventy-two days.

“In 2011, they got married. They divorced just seventy-two days later. A lot of people questioned whether their relationship was ever genuine. The wedding itself was a production. They made so much money from this wedding special.”

She pulled up the numbers.

“They were paid $1.5 million by People magazine for their wedding photos. $300,000 for their engagement announcement. Another $100,000 from OK! for bridal shower coverage. And between $30,000 and $100,000 from Us Weekly for photos of their trip to Italy for their honeymoon.”

She pulled up the ring.

“Kim’s ring would have cost $3 million, but they got a fraction of the price because they got to get that airtime. The cake was made by the same LA-based company that created Khloe’s cake. Everyone pitched in to throw this wedding. I don’t think Kim or Kris had to pay for anything.”

She pulled up Jackson’s allegation.

“He alleged that Kim’s wedding was a sham. She knew weeks before getting married that she didn’t want to do it. She’s never gotten over her ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush.”

She pulled up Kris Humphries’ aunt Dorita.

“It was a sham. My understanding of the marriage is that people are going to give it more than seventy-two days unless there’s serious abuse. An annulment says that it wasn’t valid in the first place. She should admit that it was a sham at the very least.”

She paused.

“Dorita was one of the thirty-six Humphrey relatives who went to California for the wedding. Only thirty-six. There were over four hundred people at the wedding.”

She pulled up Kim’s defense.

“If this was a business decision and I really made all that money, then I’m a smart businesswoman. I would have stayed married longer. I really didn’t think following my heart would create this much backlash.”

She shook her head.

“I feel like the wedding was a business move. And if it wasn’t, you should just go ahead and say it was, Kim, because it makes you seem even more intelligent in that moment instead of throwing together a wedding for a man that you weren’t really sure about.”

She pulled up the sixth hinge.

“The fake wedding theory is the only one that makes perfect business sense. Which is exactly why the family will never admit it’s true.”

She sat back. The screen cycled through them all. Rob’s overdose. The four witches. Stormi’s bodyguard. Justin Bieber as Reign’s father. Mason’s fake child. Kris the puppet master. Neuralink. The seventy-two-day sham.

“Six conspiracy theories,” she said. “Six different ways of looking at the same family. And every single one of them is more entertaining than the last.”

She pulled up the final hinge.

“The Kardashians don’t need to sell their souls to witches. They sold them to us—one click, one comment, one conspiracy theory at a time. And we bought it.”

She reached for her water.

“I hope you guys enjoyed this video. Let me know what you think in the comments below. And if you enjoy these celebrity conspiracy theories, let me know—I have one about Paul McCartney being replaced. The clone conspiracy. Should I do that one?”

She set the glass down.

“Comment below. And I’ll see you in a new one soon. Bye, guys.”