The Secret Phyllis Diller Kept Hidden From Fans for Decades | HO!!

LOS ANGELES — For generations of Americans, Phyllis Diller was the wild-haired, cackling queen of comedy whose jokes about her lazy husband “Fang” and chaotic home life made millions laugh. Her outrageous costumes, rapid-fire punchlines, and self-deprecating humor broke barriers for women in entertainment. But behind the laughter, Diller carried a secret so heavy it shaped every step of her career—and remained hidden from fans for decades.

Born Into Shadows and Survival

Phyllis Ada Driver was born in Lima, Ohio, on July 17, 1917, into a world already marked by hardship. Her parents were unusually old for the time—her father Perry was 55, her mother Francis 36—leaving young Phyllis surrounded by elders and funerals. While most children feared death, she became oddly fascinated by it, a comfort with darkness that would fuel her comedy years later.

The Great Depression hit her family hard, forcing Diller to sell newspapers as a child and develop the resilience that would define her life. Her musical talent was evident early; at age 10, she was accepted into the Sherwood Music Conservatory in Chicago, playing piano professionally by 1939. But she quit, convinced she could never match her teachers. It was a painful decision, but one that nudged her toward a destiny she couldn’t yet see.

Family, Loss, and the Birth of a Comic

In 1939, Diller married Sherwood Diller and moved to Michigan, where he worked at a bomber plant. Their first son, Peter, was born in 1940, but the family struggled on $25 a week. The financial strain and new motherhood led to postpartum depression, and the couple moved repeatedly before settling in California. Sherwood’s employment was unstable, so Phyllis took work as a newspaper editor to keep the family afloat.

Tragedy struck in 1945 when Diller gave birth to a son who died just two weeks later, likely due to prematurity and the limits of medical care at the time. The loss shattered her, but she channeled her grief into local theater in San Francisco, using performance to hide her pain. She would endure six pregnancies; only five children survived.

As the family grew, so did the pressures. Sherwood refused jobs he deemed beneath him, even squandering a $10,000 inheritance. The Dillers lived on food stamps, and Phyllis made $15 to $20 a week writing for small papers. She raised five children under 10, often alone, transforming her struggles into the comedic material that would later make her famous.

From Desperation to Stardom

By 1952, eviction loomed, but Diller caught a break as a radio copywriter, earning $75 a week at KROW in Oakland. She created a segment called “Phyllis Dillis, the Homely Friendmaker,” poking fun at housewife tips. Her first stand-up gig bombed, but she persevered, turning humiliation into fuel.

Her big break came on March 7, 1955, at age 37, performing at San Francisco’s Purple Onion. Instead of glamour, she leaned into her “ugly duckling” persona, making fun of her looks, cooking, and life. Audiences loved her raw honesty, and her run at the club lasted 89 weeks. TV spots followed, and her career soared.

Diller crafted a look that was unforgettable: wild horsehair wigs, exaggerated makeup, and a long ivory cigarette holder. She wore clashing clothes on purpose, making herself as ugly as possible and owning it. Her bookings skyrocketed, and she became a national sensation.

Comedy as Armor

In 1958, Diller released her first comedy album, “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse,” shocking audiences and selling over 50,000 copies its first year. Her jokes about “Fang,” a lazy fictional husband, were thinly veiled references to Sherwood. Behind the scenes, her marriage was crumbling, but on stage, she turned pain into power.

By 1959, she was touring nonstop, hitting over 150 venues and earning $25,000—three times her income just four years earlier. She kept a steel cabinet with 50,000 handwritten jokes, writing 100 new ones every week. The pace was relentless; she once collapsed from exhaustion after a 48-hour drive.

Her 1961 appearance on “The Jack Paar Show” changed everything. At 43, she was neither young nor glamorous, but her cackle and honesty made her a star. She joked about her chaotic home life, turning struggle into laughter. TV and film roles followed, including her own sitcom, “The Pruitts of Southampton,” later renamed “The Phyllis Diller Show.” Though ratings were poor, she earned a Golden Globe nomination and proved she wasn’t afraid to fail.

The Hidden Heartbreak

What the public never saw was the heartbreak Diller carried. Her husband Sherwood had been diagnosed with mental illness in the 1950s, leaving her to raise five kids alone. The character “Fang” was born from real pain, masking gambling losses, emotional abuse, and poverty.

But the deepest secret was her daughter Sally, born in 1944. By the 1950s, Sally began to show signs of schizophrenia. Diller tried for years to manage Sally’s illness at home, but around 1960 made the agonizing decision to place her in institutional care. For over 30 years, Diller visited Sally every week, never speaking about it publicly, never letting her fans see the tears behind the laughter. Sally died in 1993 at age 49, and Diller kept working, hiding her grief from the world.

Her son Peter was diagnosed with cancer and died in 1998 at 53. Her daughter Stephanie died of a stroke in 2002. By the time Diller passed in 2012, she had outlived four of her six children—a pain no punchline could cover.

Reinvention and Resilience

Through it all, Diller kept reinventing herself. She became an author in 1981, writing “The Joys of Aging and How to Avoid Them,” and turned her fear of growing old into laughter. She was open about her plastic surgeries—15 procedures starting in 1972—making jokes about her facelifts and nose jobs. Her honesty helped normalize cosmetic surgery, earning her awards and influencing stars like Joan Rivers.

She turned her style into a business, selling wigs and outrageous clothes that became iconic among drag performers and gay fans. Her home became an art gallery in her later years, and she continued painting, hosting parties, and selling her work.

Despite heart issues—her heart stopped in 1997, requiring a pacemaker—she kept working. Her final stand-up special aired in 1998, and she continued making cameos until 2007. Even as her body grew tired, her spirit never gave up.

The Final Chapter

Diller’s personal life was marked by tumult and tragedy. After divorcing Sherwood in 1965, she married actor Ward Donovan, but the marriage quickly unraveled amid infidelity and alcoholism. Later, she found quiet companionship with Robert Hastings, living together until his death from cancer in 1996.

Her youngest son, Perry, overcame dyslexia to build a career in business and manage his mother’s affairs, standing by her side through every storm.

Phyllis Diller died on August 20, 2012, at age 95, in her Brentwood home. Her heart had finally given out. She was cremated and her ashes scattered at sea—a simple, free farewell for a woman who spent her life turning pain into laughter.

Legacy: Laughter and Secrets

Phyllis Diller’s legacy is more than comedy; it’s resilience in the face of unimaginable loss. She made it okay to be loud, silly, honest, and broken all at once. The secret she kept—her decades of heartbreak, especially the weekly visits to her daughter Sally—explains why she never stopped working, even when her own heart was failing.

For all her fame and fortune, Diller’s greatest act was her refusal to let tragedy define her. She showed the world that laughter is both a shield and a gift, and that behind every cackle can hide a story of survival.