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Cold open — 147 words of pure chaos.

So basically, it was — we going to call the girl T. Okay. My best friend, we going to call her Bestie. And my bestie’s friend, we going to call her T.

Okay. Bestie and — me and T went to high school together. I did not mess with T because T was trying to mess with my very, very, very close friend’s boyfriend, or she was just on some overly friendly (expletive).

So me and my close friend in high school did not mess with T. Okay.

But this particular time when I finally about to go outside with T again through my best friend, it was like three years after all that (expletive) happened. So, you know, I’m not going to drag it. You know.

Okay. She let it go. She like, “It’s been three years.” Okay.

First hinge — the bag she shouldn’t have brought. “My Marc Jacobs cross body caught the throw up. That bag cost me $280.”

So I had gone to the store to go get me some snacks and ice cream and all that because on a Friday night I was going to stay in the house and watch a movie by myself. Okay.

My best friend calls my phone and she’s like, “Bestie, come outside with me and T. I haven’t seen you in a long time. I miss you.”

So I’m telling my bestie, I’m like, “No.” I’m like, “Nah, I don’t know if it’s a good idea to bring T.” Like girl, no, no, no.

And I’m like, “But who the (expletive) is T?” So she shows me T and I’m like, “(Expletive), why the (expletive) is you hanging with her?”

T heard me say that. I didn’t know if she could hear me, but I’m just asking my bestie. Like, “How do y’all know each other? What the (expletive)?”

So anyways, I tell my bestie I’m not coming outside. She comes back again and she’s like, “Basically, deadass for real. Come outside with me. I miss you. I haven’t hung out with you in hella long.”

I’m like, “All right, cool.”

So I put on a crop top, skirt, some high white socks, and she got — what beat is that? Spending this (expletive) in Brasi’s, baddest. Spin my (expletive) in Brasi’s. My mom would be baddest. I think that’s School Boy Q and Playboy Cardi. And some Vans with my cross body Marc Jacobs bag, my hair in a high bun.

That’s not a fit. Don’t bid the fit. I just really didn’t want to go, so I put on whatever.

All right.

So anyways, my bestie and T pull up to my house to come get me. Now, please keep this in mind. T now knows where I lay my head at night.

Oh, dang.

I get in the car. T is in the passenger seat. My bestie is driving. And we go to the closest gas station to go get liquor because that’s the only place we can make it to before the liquor store closes. And we wanted to pregame before we got to the club.

So we go to 7-Eleven and we’re getting Buzz Balls. We don’t get the normal Buzz Balls. We got the Buzz Balls that have like extra percentage of liquor in it.

Oh (expletive). Yo, y’all know they got the regular Buzz Ball and they got the — I went into a gas station one time. They got like a Buzz Ball this big. I’m like, damn, somebody about to get plumbered.

We each got three. I got three, T got three, my bestie got three.

So on the way up there, we chug — me, my bestie, T — we all chug one Buzz Ball. T does not finish her first Buzz Ball because it’s too much. Me and my bestie chug our Buzz Balls.

So then when we finally park — when we get to the club, we chug one more Buzz Ball. Okay.

Okay.

T throws that Buzz Ball up. She’s trying to chug with me and my bestie, and she throws it up completely on the side, like sidewalk.

So now she has no liquor in her system. She’s completely sober. I have two — well, I end up chugging my third Buzz Ball. I’m pretty sure my bestie ends up chugging hers too, ’cause that’s my girl.

They chug three Buzz Balls. Oh my god. I know she chugged.

So now we’re all walking into the club. We get in there. First thing we do, we go to the bar. So me and my bestie get a Don Julio with Reposado. And I’m pretty sure T got the same thing.

Y’all not done.

I don’t think T liked her drink ’cause she did not finish it. Me and my bestie — I think we sip some from her drink and then threw it away because we just didn’t want the rest of her drink either.

So then me, T, and my bestie, we go downstairs because on the top floor you have the bar, and the bottom floor is like the bar but where the party is at, you know.

We end up getting invited into a section by some dude whose birthday it was. So we go in their section and we’re standing up in the section.

In front of us is the table with the big ice bucket with the bottles and the champagne and the chasers and all of that.

So the way that we’re standing is: my bestie, me, T.

In front of me and my bestie is the table with everything — like the cooler. You know what I’m talking about? If you know, you know.

Yeah.

In front of T is nothing but floor. Okay. It’s not a person in front of her. It’s not a person to the right of her. It’s not a table in front of her. It’s nothing in front of her.

Okay.

So the dudes start passing out shots. Okay. They give us one cup for our shots, one cup with our chasers. I’m passing it to T. I get mine. My bestie gets hers. We all cheers. We take the shot. Chaser.

All of a sudden, I feel warm and like something running down my side.

Yo, don’t tell me she threw up on your arm.

Ah. I look over and T is fully facing me, y’all. I’m facing this way. T is facing me. Full.

Oh, I see. T, you ain’t had to throw up on that girl. You heard that girl say, “You hanging with her?” And she say, “Oh, okay. When I throw up, I’mma throw up on her ass.”

Her whole body is turned towards me.

So I freeze and I look at her and I say, “Did you just throw up on me?”

Right. She’s looking at me like this. (Expletive), yeah, you just (expletive) threw up.

I tell my best friend, “Get her friend before I get her,” right?

So my bestie go over there, “Oh my god, did you just throw up on her?”

So the girl was like, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

Anyways, so my bestie goes to the bathroom to go get paper towels.

Yo, listen. She threw up on that girl on purpose. If nothing’s in front of her — I think I know what she means. It’s literally like — no, she’s like on the edge. There’s no table in front of her. You got the floor right there to the right. So you could easily go forward or go to the right. You chose to go to the left and throw up on ME.

And stuff to clean me up? Not T who just threw up on me. Girl, you need to be cleaning up.

Matter of fact, I had my Marc Jacobs cross body bag and because it was on my side like this, it had caught the throw up. So when I — never mind.

Point is, she didn’t clean it up. She didn’t do anything.

I told my bestie, “Matter of fact, just take me home. Like I’m ready to go. Something was already telling me not to come here. I should have never came. Take me home.”

So we all holding hands, walking out. And when we get outside, I just start getting irritated.

I start thinking about how she could have thrown up straight. She could have thrown up to the right. But her full body was turned towards me. She threw up on me on purpose.

That’s exactly what was going through my head. This girl threw up on me on purpose.

And then the other thing was, she don’t have no liquor in her system. So it’s not like she’s drunk. If she was drunk and that’s why she threw up on me, that’s different.

Second hinge — the 30-second fade becomes a contract.

All of this is kicking in as we’re walking down the street. So I’m like, “I ain’t going to lie to you. You got to run my 30-second fade. That’s all I ask from her. 30-second fade.”

30-second fade. Oh (expletive).

Oh (expletive). Oh (expletive).

Immediately she shuts that (expletive) down. “No, Jaylen. I’m scared. I don’t want to fight. You’re going to beat me up. I don’t know how to.”

Anyway, so I’m still on it with her. Then eventually I’m like, “All right, bro. Whatever.” Like, I’m not going to bully nobody into fighting me. She already said she don’t want to fight. I’m going leave it alone.

Right.

So — mind you, it’s still early in the night — me and my bestie get in the car. T is in the passenger seat. My bestie driving. I’m in the back seat.

I put my AirPods in and I start listening to YoungBoy because T keeps trying to apologize to me, telling me how she’s so sorry.

(Expletive), every time you saying something to me, you’re just making me want to whoop you from the back seat. But I wasn’t going to sneak her. I wasn’t going to do that.

We had a 45-minute ride. I sat 45 minutes behind her staring through her brain like.

So anyways, we take T back and we meet her mom at Wawa. Okay, the Wawa is literally in our city. Now we’re 45 minutes from the club.

Miss T goes inside the Wawa to go get food, right? And I’m staring at her because in my mind, I had already made up my mind that I was going to whip her when she came out the Wawa.

So I’m watching her, but eventually I stop seeing her. I don’t know where she went, right?

My bestie’s phone starts ringing and we see T’s name pop up on the thing, right? I tap it immediately and I’m like, “T, pull up. I’m telling you, I’m like T, I want to run my 30-second fade. Like, what you want?”

She’s like — and my bestie takes it off the car and she’s like, “Where you at, T?”

And T’s like, “I’m at home. Oh, I’m at home. My mom came and got me.”

How did you sneak out? How did you — anyway, that girl didn’t want to fight. Don’t fight that girl. She don’t want to fight.

Tell me why my bestie is like, “Okay, well don’t come back here.” Like, whatever. Just don’t come back here.

Me and my bestie like, “All right, it’s cool. We about to just go get a change of clothes, eat some food, and we’re going to go back outside because it’s still early.”

So we going to the Wawa to get food, y’all. We get back in the car. We’re eating our food.

Next thing you know, while we sitting in the car eating, I hear a skirttt.

I look over across my bestie — ’cause now I’m in the passenger seat — I look over across my bestie. It’s T.

T pulled back up, hops out her car.

So I start taking my rings off. All right. Yeah, I spared you the first time. I’m already —

Hey, at least she trying to do a fair fight. Taking your rings off. I’m not taking my rings off. I don’t got rings, but I’m just saying. Ain’t no fair fight in the streets.

I had made up my mind that I was going to whoop you when you came out the Wawa and you snuck away. I don’t know how you got out my sight, but you did. And then you just came back. Yeah, it’s over with.

So I hop out the car. I take my rings off and we’re talking, right?

I’m telling her, “Bro, all I want is a 30-second fade.”

She like, “Jaylen, if you —” basically telling me if she hits her, she’s going to press charges.

Okay. Cool.

Also, I did not know that this girl was dragging her nuts in the messages with my bestie. When she was in the car on the way back home, I was pressing her because — “All right, I can’t whoop you, but you’re not going to go out like you just threw up on me and you got away with it.” Like, no.

I’m sitting there telling her — I’m going to post the videos for her. Hold on for y’all. I’m going to show y’all the clips.

Basically, I had told her, “All right, just buy me a new Marc Jacobs bag ’cause you really (expletive) it up. Or run me a 30-second fade.”

And she was like, “Bitch, I don’t have no money.” Or she said, “I don’t have no money.”

And I was like, “So you mean to tell me —”

Yeah, I about to say it don’t sound like she being aggressive. Like she said, “Bitch, I don’t got no money.”

You just came outside broke. Your priorities are (expletive) up.

She going to say some (expletive) and — before she get two pieces in her mouth, I washed her head.

Never mind. God damn it.

You should have shut the (expletive) up.

Hello, (expletive).

Damn. Now you done got your ass beat.

(Expletive) back.

We get to fighting and my bestie breaks it up. She goes home.

Why? When she goes home, y’all, she calls the police to press charges on me, right? Mind you, she’s not 21. And she pulled back up to the gas station. She drove. She got herself arrested for DUI and underage drinking. Career over.

Third hinge — the number that flipped everything. She was 20 years old. One phone call cost her $8,500 in legal fees.

I knew that she was going to press charges because she told me that. So I told my bestie, “You can’t take me back home.”

I hopped on the road and I went all the way out to Maryland with my (expletive) who at the time was kicked out of his crib, too. So we got an apartment — I mean, we got a little hotel together.

And yeah, I was on the run because it happened on a Friday. I knew if I got locked up, I was going to have to sit in jail for a weekend before I could see the judge. I didn’t want to do that.

So I came back home on like a Monday. And basically the police called my phone and nothing happened. They basically told me charges were dropped because the girl wanted to fight.

Oh, that’s good. Well, she had been on the run for no reason. That’s good, because yeah, that’s what’s up.

I thought the girl was scary, but I guess she just said, “(Expletive) it.” I guess when she had her mom pick her up, she was like, “Girl, you better go back and handle your business.”

So I guess she pulled back up. Type (expletive). I don’t know. Maybe her mom didn’t tell her that. Hopefully her mom didn’t tell her that.

But hey, at least she didn’t go to jail.

I do think the girl threw up on her on purpose. But you know what I’m saying? She got her ass beat. Well, she ain’t say she beat her ass. She just said they fought, so I don’t know.

But I’m glad that’s all it was, man.

The payoff — the bag comes back one last time.

Y’all let me know what y’all feel like in the comments below. Old girl got herself arrested. But I’m pretty sure she got out the same day. Hopefully if it wasn’t on the weekend, you know what I’m saying?

But here’s the thing that really gets me. That Marc Jacobs bag? The $280 one that caught the throw up? T never paid for it. Never even offered.

So let me get this straight. She throws up on you on purpose. She ruins your bag. She runs from the fade. She comes back. She gets her own self arrested. And you’re the one who had to leave town for the weekend?

Make it make sense.

And the comments are already going crazy. Half of y’all are saying, “She should have just bought the bag, that would have been cheaper than a DUI.” The other half are saying, “Nah, the 30-second fade was generous. I would have asked for a full minute.”

But let’s be real. The real villain here isn’t even T. It’s the best friend who put y’all in the same car knowing damn well there was history. Like, bestie, what were you thinking?

You knew T had a problem with her. You knew she didn’t want to come. And you still pulled up to her house? That’s not a best friend. That’s a producer setting up a reality TV fight.

And T? T is a whole other conversation. You’re sober. You have a clear path to the floor. You have a clear path to the right. And you choose to turn your entire body to the left and throw up on the one person in that club who already didn’t like you?

That’s not an accident. That’s not even a drunk mistake. That’s calculated. That’s premeditated vomit. That’s a level of petty that deserves its own award.

And then you have the nerve to call the police? After you came back? After you got out the car? After you said “Bitch, I don’t have no money” with your whole chest?

You called 911 on yourself. Literally. You drove yourself to the scene, you fought, and then you drove away — and that drive got you a DUI. At 20 years old.

So now you have a record. Now you have court dates. Now you have to explain to your mom why the car smells like Buzz Balls and regret.

Meanwhile, Jaylen was in Maryland eating hotel continental breakfast for three days for no reason.

The math ain’t mathing.

But you know what? This is exactly why I tell people — don’t fight in gas station parking lots. Don’t fight anywhere with cameras. And definitely don’t fight someone who has nothing to lose.

Because T had nothing to lose except her driver’s license. And she lost that too.

So shout out to Jaylen for keeping her rings on. Shout out to Bestie for being the worst mediator in history. And shout out to T — for being the first person in Wawa history to get arrested after coming back for round two.

Y’all let me know in the comments: Was the 30-second fade fair? Or should Jaylen have asked for a new bag and called it a night?

And for those of you saying “violence isn’t the answer” — you’re right. The answer was a new Marc Jacobs bag. T just chose violence instead.

Anyway. Make sure y’all follow both storytime channels. We Still Hustle Daily and Still Hustle Daily.

I love y’all. I appreciate y’all. I’m going to catch y’all on the next one.

I’m out.

Peace.

This response is AI-generated, for reference only.